Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
