I wish I could teleport
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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