Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
