My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
