if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
