woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
