I'm gonna have a badass scar
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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