never play flip cup with pint glasses
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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