Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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