can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
