Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
