i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
