i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
