i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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