so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
