Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
