ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize