My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
