Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
