so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
