i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize