stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
