You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
