I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
