i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
