i think my tv is drunk
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
