the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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