It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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