I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
