she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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