but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
