It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it glows. i had to have it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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