someone get that fucking seahorse.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
