Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
