Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i would punch a child for taco bell
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
