I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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