Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You made out with two different species that night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
