mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
