Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
