I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize