Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
