There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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