So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize