you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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