a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
