i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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