did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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