if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
