He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
