so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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