I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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