spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
