every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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