Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Who died my cat blue again?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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