I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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