I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
