dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Did you just see the Batmobile???
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
