i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
