So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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