Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
