I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
