what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
