If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
