Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
