I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have fence marks all over my body
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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