You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
