I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
