I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
