she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
