I heard we made out
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
