Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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