i would punch a child for taco bell
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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