yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
