Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
