I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
