I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just invented taco cereal.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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