Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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