Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
