Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize