chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
