I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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