Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
