You're completely useless in the revolution.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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