Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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