Someone shit on the floor
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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