I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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