I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
