You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
