also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize